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Who should co-star in the Noah Centineo GameStonk movie?

February 05, 2021

We’re dream casting the Noah Centineo GameStop movie, babyyyyy! These choices are not based off of any working knowledge of Wall Street bros, Redditors, or the stock market— just vibes.

This week, Daysia hasn’t seen Promising Young Woman (but is obsessed with the analyses of the ending), Hannah is baffled by how both the publishing and film industries work, and so many good links this week.

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Daysia and Hannah

This Week’s Fixations

What’s taking up our brain space this week?

Hannah: Okay, as promised we aren’t talking about G*meSt*p et. al. in this space but I’m excited that I will finally know what everyone was talking about last week when the movie(s) eventually come out at some point in the future (h/t to Taylor Lorenz who put together a great Twitter thread about this). Inevitably, this moment in time is getting the Hollywood treatment but what is astonishing to me is that MGM has acquired the rights to a book that hasn’t been written yet. If only we were all so lucky! Granted the author is Ben Mezrich who wrote the books that eventually became The Social Network and 21 so obviously he has the rep to back it up but the dust hasn’t even settled yet so I’m not even sure what could be included in a book proposal. I really need to finish Younger so I can figure out how the publishing industry works too… I will say that I have high hopes based on the title alone: The Antisocial Network (ha!) so apparently for Hollywood a book doesn’t even need to have a cover to be judged just a catchy title (noted!).

Oh, and Netflix is getting in on the action with Noah Centineo attached? Yeah, I’m just straight up confused by this but time will tell, I guess. Meanwhile, I’ll be rewatching The Big Short to re-familiarize myself with the vocab I need to understand what anyone is talking about right now.  

Daysia: I’ve been thinking a lot about Promising Young Woman and what director Emerald Fennell has said about the film, specifically the ending (spoilies and discussions of sexual assault ahead). For the record, I have not seen Promising Young Woman because the subject matter is ✨triggering✨ to me, but I have been intrigued with its controversial finale. The protagonist Cassie dies in the end and some have wondered whether she knew she was going, or even wanted, to die. In an interview with Vulture, Fennell is asked about this and she said the following: “Cassie knows that if she goes to this place, as any woman I think knows, with this purpose, she’s putting herself in danger. She has made arrangements for if that happens.”

This part of the interview has looped in my head over the past week and I can’t stop thinking about it. Arrangements. It sounds so dramatic, but women and people of marginalized genders always have contingency plans in case of the worst. It’s not just in the most extreme cases—like seeking revenge against your best friend’s rapist— it’s all the time. Walking somewhere while it’s dark out, going on a new date, getting into your car. At the coffee shop I work at, I am alone for much of the day and I always think about where I could run or what I could plausibly use as a weapon (two portafilters—one in each hand—swung like metal batons, if you were wondering) if someone tried to take advantage of that. In a world that is quite literally built against us— that is so deeply entrenched in rape culture— it feels like any venture out alone is putting ourselves in danger. The threat to our wellbeing is never abstract; every cat call or uncomfortable stare or creepy small talk is an inch away from physical harm. And as the movie demonstrates with its use of archetypal nice guy actors in predatory roles, who can you trust?

None of this is new, obviously, and this take isn’t particularly nuanced. But I will never get over how maddening and scary and so fucked up it is that we just deal with this shit??? So much of our culture still normalizes and dismisses the real and present threats people of marginalized genders face everyday and all we can do is just accommodate that. It’s like the most demented “damn bitch, you live like this” you can imagine. These arrangements (making a mental exit plan or sharing our locations with friends or carrying around a self-defense keychain) are all just small ways that we can regain some sort of control over the world around us— one where things aren’t neat, or fair, or just; a place where you just have to create some way forward.

If you haven’t read the interview with Fennell yet, you should. She articulated a lot of the feelings of rage, fear, catharsis, and healing (or lack thereof) I’ve never been able to pinpoint as concisely.

Dream Casting

Here’s who we think is most suited to star in the GameStop movie. You’re welcome, Hollywood. 

As far as we’re concerned (based on the Discourse) there are several groups that need to be cast: Wall Street Guys, the Redditors, and Robinhood Bros. Here is our dream list of actors to illustrate this crazy moment:

Wall Street Guys

  • Joseph Gordon-Levitt - JGL just played an establishment-type in The Trial of the Chicago 7. He absolutely has the capability to be a twerpy, uptight hedge fund manager.

  • Jeremy Strong - If anyone can play a nuanced and complex Corporate Man, it’s Jeremy Strong (see: Kendall Roy). Plus, he was in The Big Short so this project would be a natural follow up. 

  • Lakeith Stanfield - We know you’re thinking why since it would be the antithesis of his character in Sorry to Bother You but we know he has the range so we’re confident he could successfully pull this off. 

The Redditors

  • Lucas Hedges - This man can probably do anything. I mean, he’s cast in like, everything. Yet, you can tell us that any random white boy is Lucas Hedges and we’d believe you. It really just feels like a project he’d be in. 

  • Dylan Sprouse - Okay we think it’s fair to say that he’s always been the alt-twin. I mean… the man majored in video game design, he owns a meadery, and is kind of a troll. That’s exactly the kind of vibe we imagine for this. He’d be antagonistic but endearing. Plus, he just got back into acting so this would be a perfect role to add to the comeback plan. 

  • Charles Melton - Charles Melton is HOT and UNDERUTILIZED in things. He’s charming, sweet, and unassuming. We want to see more of him. Why not here?

  • Nicholas Braun - This man’s power cannot be underestimated! Nicholas Braun has always played a good underdog, providing comedic relief while posing a threat to the other characters on Succession. He’d be *chef’s kiss* in a role like this.

Robinhood Bros

  • Miles Teller - Chaotic energy embodied. That is what Miles Teller is. And that is exactly what start-up founders are like. The cockiness of a Wall Street bro with just enough countercultural performance that you think he’s different, but ultimately he’s a different side of the same eat-the-rich coin. 

  • Dev Patel - This talented man has a frantic energy that would translate well into start-up founder/current billionaire. It would be a bit different than some of his recent projects but we think he would welcome the challenge. 

Bonus! If this movie goes in the direction of The Big Short then we need some celebs to make cameos to explain some key concepts and for that we think Megan Fox, Regé-Jean Page, and Robert Pattinson would be perfect.

Has Lorde dropped a new album? 

(Im)patiently waiting for any news regarding a new album from Lorde and whether we’ll be blessed with it this year.  

In the meantime, while we’re missing live music, enjoy the closest we can get right now with Miley’s Tiny Desk (Home) Concert. A reminder that Miley is one of the best performers alive today! 

Also, someone made a Spotify playlist with all of the SOPHIE songs on the site. RIP to a pop pioneer 💔

Too Many Tabs

Our fave reads of the week

Taylor Momsen (of Gossip Girl fame) is a bona fide rockstar and talks to Lauren McCarthy in NYLON about her most recent album with her band The Pretty Reckless and the difference between fame and success. 

Who but Jennifer Coolidge could get away with dating two different men by pretending to have a twin while vacationing in Hawaii? The range! Claire Lampen gives us the scoop in The Cut. 

We’re counting down the days until we get the final TATB (T-7 days!). Lana Condor spoke with Nichole Perkins for SELF about playing Lara Jean for the final time, how the role changed her life and building healthy habits. 

“Sometimes I wonder if the Asian-American experience is what it’s like when you’re thinking about everyone else, but nobody else is thinking about you,” says Steven Yeun in a candid discussion with Jay Caspian King about their experiences as Asian-Americans and the process of telling immigrant stories in The New York Times Magazine. 

Despite what the Hollywood Foreign Press Association thinks, in 2020 it was Michaela Coel’s world and she was game to let us live in at least a version of it in her series I May Destroy You. We’re revisiting some of the incredible pieces about Coel and her work: this interview between Coel and Bolu Babalola for PAPER, E. Alex Jung’s profile of the writer in Vulture, and the introspective review and conversation by Durga Chew-Bose in GARAGE.